Twenty Fine – What I learned in my 20s

Last Updated on December 12, 2021 by Il-ham B

I just turned 29 and if you would’ve asked me 10 years ago, where I thought I would be today. I would have probably said: college degree on deck, married with kids, working at my dream job, some volunteer / humanitarian work, and of course the dream house. Pretty much my definition of low-key successful.

Like many people, I am not where I thought I’d be in my life. Which doesn’t have to be a bad thing. My definition of success has completely changed, so has my outlook on life. Accordingly, I don’t necessarily want the same things my 20-years-old self used to want, and appropriately, I am exactly where I should be today.

But boy oh boy, if I could only express how my 20s have opened my eyes. I have traveled. Gained friends for a season, some for a reason and others for a lifetime. Today, I completely understand what that phrase means. Furthermore, I have tried my hand in business partnerships. Although unsuccessful in that venture. I can now say; most of my disappointment in my 20s were trials and teachable moments. In hindsight, those humbling experiences were major dodged bullets. For that, I am grateful.

Looking back at my experiences, I can affirm that I’ve learned and picked up some valuable lessons along the way. Without further ado, here are a few things I’ve learned in my 20s.

May the space between where I am and where I want to be inspire me.

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Fear of failure

In my 20s, the fear of failure had me afraid of starting and even trying new things. This past year, I have completely stepped out of my comfort zone. I got an Instagram account. This might seem minor to some but you cannot imagine the amount of anxiety it brought me. Most importantly, I finally started this blog.

I noticed that it took me so long to start my blog because I had so many limiting beliefs. Such as The fear of not being good enough, the fear of not being relatable, and even the fear of not being liked, to be all the way honest. Hence, my overall procrastination was a direct result of self-sabotage. In all, fear can stop us from achieving our goals and hinder our progress.

Failure and rejection go hand in hand and we’ve all gone through either experience, one way or another. With that, we should consider failure, a tool we pay close attention to and use as guidance. Besides, Your 20s are for getting through hurdles and mental blocks. It is the perfect time to try new things. So, if you do fail, you fail fast and you fail forward. While remembering that, the learning is in the doing.

If at first you don’t succeed, try try again.

Zen Cho or Aaliyah

You are the co-creator

My 20s have taught me that I can’t just dream or pray myself into manifesting the life that I want. I have to be a willing participant in my life. While part of it is your state of mind, the other is the actions you take to reach your goals. As a result, we create the life we believe we deserve.

In this day and age, we have this illusion that people become successful overnight. That is false. It is the sum of the daily practices and consistent actions that yields result. Also known as success. Keep in mind that success can mean different things to different people. Therefore, define what it means to you.

In your 20s, no one knows what they are doing nor are they where they want to be in life. On that note, you are not alone. However, you decide to not stay in an undesirable situation. Implying that, creating the life you want can also mean; learning a new skill, traveling, experimenting, and setting goals.

I suggest you set goals, so you have something to work towards. They help you define and outline what is important to you. In short, things don’t just happen. You have to be a willing co-creator, with the creator.

The world needs dreamers and the world needs doers. But above all, the world needs dreamers who do.

Sarah Ban Breathnach

Don’t be so hard on yourself

One thing you need to stop doing is being so hard on yourself. Your 20s are your experimental years. You are supposed to explore and make mistakes. So you can learn and grow from them. This means you don’t have to have it all figured out. Release some of that pressure and tension you’ve been putting on yourself.

In my case, realizing that college/ university wasn’t for me was a hard pill to swallow. Yes, I am blaming societal pressure and conditioning. The fact that I never finish college made me feel like a complete and total failure. Knowing what I know now about these institutions (which I will keep to myself). I would have had more compassion for myself.

Again, most of us don’t know what we are doing in our 20s. Especially when it comes to our career path. It is easier to make mistakes and overlook certain important paths such as skilled jobs and entrepreneurship. Which they don’t necessarily teach us in school.

Even with all the possible roadblocks, you need to be grateful and appreciative for all that you have accomplished thus far. Because adulting isn’t always easy. You’ve picked up more responsibilities, learned about debt (I hope) including the importance of the mighty dollar. You’ve also probably worked an unfulfilling job or two. On top of all that, you may have even dropped out of school and still managed to find a pretty decent job.

All I’m saying is, you were able to figure at least those things out. So give yourself a break and stop overlooking how far you’ve come. Appreciate the journey and celebrate every victory.

Too many people undervalue what they are and overvalue what they are not.

Unknown

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Stop comparing yourself to others

When it comes to comparisons, social media has become a huge game-changer. Most of us know this, but let me remind you again. We all chose to post the best versions of ourselves. And, as much as you think these people are living their best lives. They probably have the same impression of you. So, avoid mindlessly scrolling through your feed/ timeline – because it’s a thing – and your feelings might get hurt (lol). It shouldn’t, but it might.

I was a late bloomer when it came to social media for those exact reasons. As a teenager, I was way too aware of the psychological impact it could have on me and my self-esteem. Plus, I thought the government was spying on people, through Facebook. (lol). Due to that, I was never really into it. But, building up my confidence made it easier for me to take part on social platforms.

Further, these platforms can either be motivational or detrimental. Use it to your advantage. Especially if you have a brand, a business, or simply as an outlet to share your thoughts/opinions. Beyond social media, stop focusing on other people’s lives and start paying attention to yourself. Comparing yourself to others is more telling on the beliefs you have of yourself, rather than what you think, others think of you – food for thought.

The only comparison should be between who you were yesterday in contrast to who you are today.

The I.B Files

Finding self love

 I stumbled over self-love and self-worth, through some pretty trying times in my 20s. I didn’t fully understand what self-love meant. Until I consciously decided to question, all the negative ideas and emotions I had about myself. This is pretty easy to do when you are going through some shit. So, I questioned my beliefs, how I felt about the color of my skin, the shape of my nose, the texture of my hair, and my overall self-worth to say the least.

I became aware that, as much as I would like to solely blame society, my environment, and the media. A part of me consented to this subconscious programming. I had to take accountability for the part I played in the image/ideas I had about myself. During that processing, I was able to shed beliefs and thought patterns that no longer served me. In retrospect, I found a part of myself and my voice in my 20s.

Now that I’ve gotten that off my chest, you need to know that self-love is an essential part of your mental health and your overall well-being. It could be simply practiced by complimenting yourself. As well as accepting and embracing compliments from others. Similarly, It also means being mindful of your thoughts and challenging any negative ideas with positive ones. Another key in developing your self-esteem is taking care of yourself (self-care).

My best advice on this matter is to know your best traits. It makes it easier to value who you are. Equally, don’t be so critical of yourself. And lastly, develop self-compassion and affirm how awesome you are.

You yourself, as much as anybody in the entire universe, deserve your love and affection

Buddha

There are so many more things i’ve learned in my 20s, for instance:

• Being mindful of energy vampire and people you let into your space.
• Keeping in touch with people – is a whole skill.
• Detach from people, things and place that no longer serve your highest good.
• Again, most of us don’t actually knows what we are doing in our 20s.
• Money is important – and you need to learn how to manage it.

I can go on and on but this blog post is already long enough.

Altogether, the things I’ve learned in my 20s are a continuous work in progress because they are part of the journey. When understood, they will help you deal with and maneuver certain situations, to make a better decision in the next years and decades to come.

With that being said, I can’t wait to see what my 30s have in store for me. I am very excited to meet the woman, the friend, the mother, the daughter, and the wife I become.

In the meantime, Imma milk the last of these ’20s though. I would love to end this decade of my life in style if Rona permits. So far 2020 has been an eye-opener… The real way. 

Thank you for being on this journey with me. I hope this post was helpful and gave you a few points to ponder on. Share your thought in the comment section below. What has your 20’s thought you?

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